In the last few months I have been leaning heavily on Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes by William Bridges. This revelation of a book came to me by way of a mention in a horoscope in Free Will Astrology (I am no stranger to the Woo), a column which as far as I'm concerned always contains revelations, regardless of one's sign or actual belief in astrology. I read all 12 signs every week because he is positive and encourages the asking of inner questions, and I revel in both of those things.
Anyhoo, this is not meant to be a book review. For my purposes here, let's just say that Bridges outlines the three stages of transition: Endings, the Neutral Zone and New Beginnings.
I think that I am currently in the midst of my own Neutral Zone--a stalled time of outward do-nothingness and inner examination that unfortunately doesn't get much press or respect in our society. Though I admit that I've fantasized about having this time for years, I'm finding parts of it intensely uncomfortable. Apparently I'm not alone in this because Bridges says that this "nonplace" can be frightening, causing people to try to bypass it by moving forward or backwards too soon. I wonder if I haven't unwittingly been sabotaging the process (trying to move forward too soon) and have been here much longer than I'd like to think, (like, say, 12 years or so?)
Because though I think I'm doing pretty good with "cultivating receptivity," there is a definite fear that all these observations and clues that I'm receiving will not gel into anything and I'll be stuck here forever. Or worse, that I'll just have to go back to the way things were. I want a New Beginning so bad and get so frustrated with the lack of "a plan" for moving forward. I have to keep reminding myself that I do feel things moving and shifting. Deep down I know this process isn't through with me yet, and I must let it run its course.
So to try and alleviate the fear, stay focused on why I'm here, and give credence to the subtle shifting, I am heeding one of his suggestions about how to get the most out of this time: "begin a log of neutral zone experiences." I'm quite sure that, had they been popular when the book was published, he would have said, start a blog.
I have been trying to let go of the have to's and should's, sloughing off and absorbing, trying to be still and see what percolates. And blogs--both mine and others--have been a huge part of that. Writing on my blog helps me process, to notice and clarify what's burbling up. Other blogs are important because I'm learning...and perhaps searching for something?
When I'm not fearful, I realize that something is coming together for me. I'm starting to see the fuzzy outline of a blueprint for a new life out in the distance.
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